How can counselling help me?: Therapist’s view
Most of us grew up in a “man up, you’re too sensitive, don’t talk about your feelings, be strong” mindset with no role models on how to navigate the complex world of emotions. So this question comes naturally, and the confusion is valid. You may wonder how talking about my feelings is going to do me any good. Surely, I should try to stop feeling this way.
In this post I will answer how counselling can help you.
Slow racing thoughts down. You will find that if you fight, deny or try bury your thoughts and worries, these don’t go away. They become stronger, louder and keep going around your head, not letting you sleep at night or focus on your daily tasks. For those ADHDers amongst us, racing thoughts are a constant battle due to the unique way the brain process and self-regulate.
However, when we externalise our thoughts through talking or writing them down, we find they start to slow down and become less present in our minds.
Bring emotions to balance (So you are not on an emotional roller coaster 24/7). Similar to the above, talking through your emotions and externalising them can help with regulating your emotions. Therefore reducing their intensity. This is not only because you are physically sharing them with another human being who’s willing to listen without judging you (co-regulating).
It’s also because in counselling you are encouraged to feel your emotions instead of denying them. As you feel and express your emotions, your nervous system calms down and you’ll find that those feelings tend to melt away.
Pressure release. It gives you a neutral space in which you can finally give voice to all those things you kept secret and hidden from anyone, even from yourself! All the things you may feel ashamed to share with family or friends, perhaps they are frowned upon or unacceptable in your family and wider culture (i.e. talking about death or abuse, your polyamory relationship/s or queer identity, autism, ADHD, sex problems, spiritual believes and the list goes on forever).
Voicing them can be a massive pressure release, and unburdening. You are finally giving them a space that is outside of your mind, meaning you have free mind space to process how you actually feel about them and to connect with your internal experience. You may notice a reduction in anxiety, stress, your mood gets better and you feel more like yourself.
Gives you control back. We know information is power right? so by understanding and making sense of what your thoughts and feelings mean, you have the power to take action. And talking things through in a therapeutic environment can do just that.
An example of this could be that you are feeling extremely lonely and that loneliness is driving you day in, day out. But what does feeling and being lonely actually mean to you? Is it that your long-term partner broke up with you, and with the relationship, they also took your hopes, dreams, expectations, friends, and family, and you no longer know who you are and who you can go to? If that’s the case, there is plenty you can do. Connect with remaining friends and family, explore what you like and what makes you happy and start doing it again! What new dreams and plans do you want for yourself?
This is just an example, and I am simplifying, but you get the gist. It gets you back in control of your life.
Figure out strategies to challenge unhelpful habits and patterns. Finally, you are encouraged to identify healthy strategies to build and maintain your emotional health. Just like we need to exercise, eat healthy, and so on to look after our body and physical health, emotional well-being comes only if we practice it regularly. Figuring out what specific strategies work for you is key.
There is a world of techniques out there, but it’s about finding what works for you. It’s a trial-and-error process, and having some guidance can help you avoid getting too lost or overwhelmed.
In conclusion, whether it’s anxiety, depression, stressful life transitions, gender, sex, relationship problems, identity struggles, trauma or bereavement, if you give yourself the chance to talk through it free from judgment or consequences, you can start to embrace it, understand it and find your way forward. And be prepared to receive warmth and care from your counsellor because that also heals.
Finally, be willing to be challenged a bit (gently); a counsellor would not just sit and nod silently, not myself at least. I don’t want you to feel like you’re talking to a wall, that’s simply unhelpful.
Sounds amazing, right? You can make the first step today by booking your first online session.
Book directly or contact me if you have any queries. I’m here to help. It’s super easy.
